I’m currently debating whether to keep watching a Netflix programme called The Cleaning Lady, because it seems that literally nothing goes well for this lass. (I’m on series one, so no spoilers please!)

While watching her crack on through an almost comical run of catastrophically bad luck, I was reminded of two of my favourite lovers: Eros and Psyche. If they were a Netflix series, you’d have absolutely fucked it off by episode three and stuck Downton Abbey on instead. Honestly. They had an absolute nightmare.

But, dear reader, you’ll be pleased to know that after many (literal) trials and far too many tribulations, they eventually found peace and lived out their days very much in love... and very much in lust.

Ikigai (ee-key-guy) is a Japanese concept meaning “a reason for being” or “a reason to get up in the morning”. Eros and Psyche were each other’s ikigai and, although Eros (AKA Cupid) was the god of luuurve, Psyche could just as easily have been the goddess of lust.

And so lust became the reason they got up in the morning. Or, more accurately, the reason they stayed in bed.

Psyche’s favourite pastime was persuading Eros to go down on her for hours on end. We’re talking Friday evening to Monday afternoon. A bank-holiday weekend of cunnilingus. He loved doing it for her, of course, but even a god can struggle to keep boredom at bay after the twentieth consecutive hour.

At one point, after Eros dislocated his jaw and both Hephaestus and I had to tag in and out to cover the shift, I drew a crossword on Psyche’s stomach to help keep my head in the game.

He told me he thought the crossword a great idea, but that he much preferred Sudoku. And the rest is Ancient Greek history.